One of the loneliest parts of an eating disorder isn't the food, it's the silence, it's crying in your bedroom and making sure nobody hears. It's saying "i'm just tired," when you're actually falling apart.

One day, you'll sit in that same coffee shop and realise you weren't just drinking a coffee, you were rebuilding your life.

Recovery isn't a reward for being the sickest, it's support for people who are struggling. If you're struggling... that includes you.

Eating disorders don't have an end point, they have an endless list of conditions you'll never be able to meet.

Maybe that's what hurts the most because whilst she was spending every day trying to survive, she had no idea how much life was waiting for her.

You don't have to solve forever, you just have to get through this moment because every time you don't act on the urge, you're teaching your brain something powerful: "I can survive this feeling without obeying it."

The eating disorder makes all sorts of promises but if those things were waiting for you at the end of all this, wouldn't you have found them by now?

The eating disorder doesn't care if you die. But I do, your family does, your friends do and the future version of you does.

What i didn't realise at the time was that recovery wasn't asking me to lose my safety net, it was asking me to build a new one because the truth is, the eating disorder was never actually keeping me safe.

The number changes and the eating disorder still wants more and that's the trap.

I actually listened for years, i followed the rules, chased the goals and i sacrificed parts of my life believing it would all be worth it in the end.

Recovery can feel confusing when part of you still misses your eating disorder. In this honest blog, I explore why that doesn't mean you want to go backwards.

My eating disorder felt like the one thing that never left me, this is my story to why I finally put my all into recovering.

Until the secrets became routines and your eating disorder takes over your life.

I spent years believing anorexia would finally be satisfied if I gave it enough...

The relief bulimia promised never lasts as long as the shame that follows afterwards.

People think bulimia is about food but it takes so much more than that...

I thought I was recovering but deep down I was still waiting to be thin. A raw reflection on the moment I realised I wasn't chasing recovery, I was still chasing my eating disorder voice.

Bulimia slowly became part of my routine until I could no longer remember who I was without it.

My Truth For a long time, I didn't think I would choose recovery even when things were hard... there was still a part of me that wasn't ready to let go. I think that's something people don't really understand because as much as my eating disorder was hurting me, it also felt like something I had no control over but was also my comfort. It felt familiar. It felt safe. It felt like I only had my eating disorder. Safe... in a strange way. Letting go didn't just feel difficult..