You're Not A Burden, You're Just Carrying Too Much...

One of the loneliest parts of an eating disorder isn't the food, it's the silence, it's crying in your bedroom and making sure nobody hears. It's saying "i'm just tired," when you're actually falling apart. It's convincing yourself that everybody has enough going on already, that they don't need your problems too so you carry them, every single one by yourself. You tell yourself you'll ask for help tomorrow and tomorrow turns into next week, next week turns into next month and before you know it, you've become so good at pretending you're okay that people stop asking. It isn't because they don't care but because you became an expert at hiding it.

The eating disorder loves when you hide it because silence is where it grows. It doesn't want your parents, best friend or partner to know, it doesn't want them asking questions. Every person you keep in the dark is one less person who might help you fight it, the eating disorder doesn't just isolate you from food it isolates you from people. It convinces you that you're too much, too emotional, too difficult, too draining, too broken so instead of sharing the weight... you carry it alone. The longer you carry it the heavier it becomes.

So if you're reading this and you've convinced yourself that everyone would be better off without hearing how you're really feeling, I want you to ask yourself one question. If the person who loved most was carrying this pain, would you want them to tell you? Or would you want them to suffer in silence because they were scared of being a burden? The people who love you aren't waiting for you to become "easy." They're waiting for you to let them in, you are not difficult to love. You are not too much and you aren't a burden. You're someone who's been carrying an unbearable amount on your own and maybe, you don't have to carry it alone anymore.

With Love, Niomi 🤎