What Bulimia Takes From You...

People think bulimia is about food, or weight, or vanity but bulimia takes so much more from you than people realise. It takes your mornings, the first thought when you wake up, the panic and the guilt before the day has even started. It takes your peace around food, nothing feels simple anymore, every meal becomes a negotiation inside your head. Every craving feels like a failure and every full feeling feels unbearable.

It takes your ability to be present, you can be sat in a room full of people who you love while your mind is somewhere else completely, it's counting, planning, panicking and obsessing over what you ate, what you might eat or what you need to do afterwards. It takes the enjoyment out of the moments that were supposed to become memories.

Bulimia takes your energy, not just physically but mentally because you're fighting with your own mind every single day.

Nobody talks enough about how tiring it is to constantly carry shame, secrecy, lying, isolation and pretending you're okay while privately feeling completely out of control and the saddest part? Bulimia convinces you it is helping you while it destroys you quietly. It tells you it is your comfort, your coping mechanism, your safety but comfort should not make you hate yourself afterwards. Comfort shouldn't take years of your life and still ask for more... that's the thing about bulimia no matter how much you sacrifice for it, it is never satisfied.

It will take your memories, your confidence, your relationships, your happiness, your peace and then convince you that you still haven't given enough. Bulimia doesn't just take from your body, it takes from your life and I think that's what people fail to understand most. The real tragedy of eating disorders is not simply what they do to somebody physically. It is how much life they convince somebody they do not deserve to fully live.

With Love, Niomi 🤎