To The Person Who Wants To Give Up On Recovery...

I was this person, in fact I gave up on recovery more times than I can count. There were so many moments where I convinced myself it wasn't worth it, moments where I was tired of fighting and I was tired of challenging my eating disorder. I wanted recovery but I also wanted my eating disorder, it felt easier to let it win. For a long time, that mindset kept me stuck.

If that's where you are right now, I want you to know that I understand. Recovery is so tiring, everyone talks about how beautiful it is but no one rarely talks about how exhausting it is challenging thoughts all day. To choose recovery over and over again, even when every part of you is screaming to give up.

Sometimes letting your eating disorder win feels easier but only for a moment because relief never lasts. The voice always comes back, the rules just get stricter and the eating disorder always asks for more even when it promising you it won't. They never are satisfied they don't just take a little... they take everything from you. The hardest part is that they convince you they're protecting you whilst they're doing it so if you're thinking about giving up on recovery today, think about this for 5 minutes that's all I am asking from you.

What has your eating disorder actually given you?

I don't want you to think about what it promised you but what it actually gave you because when I ask myself that question, the answer is always the same. It gave me fear, fear over foods I once loved! It gave me anxiety, I was the girl who went to concerts, festivals, out all the time and it suddenly all stopped. It gave me years of wanting to be someone else, when I couldn't notice myself disappearing each time I let it win.

Recovery gave me something different, it gave me the chance to live and no recovery isn't an easy journey. Some days recovery looks really unfair, a little impossible time to time but you don't quit because the life waiting for you on the other side of recovery is worth every difficult step.

One day you'll laugh without your eating disorder interrupting the moment. One day you'll make memories without food being the centre of attention. One day you'll look back and realise that the hardest thing you ever did was also the best thing you ever did. Recovery gives you your life back day by day.

With Love, Niomi 🤎