The Most Uncomfortable Part Of Bulimia Recovery...

When i first stopped purging i thought the hardest part would be resisting the urge, i was wrong one of the hardest parts was learning how to live with the discomfort of keeping food down. Nobody prepared me for that, i wasn't told that after spending so long purging my body would need time to adjust. I wasn't told how uncomfortable it would feel, the bloating, being full, the feeling of food sitting in my stomach and the panic that came with it. After spending so long getting rid of food, my body had forgotten what normal eating felt like. Every uncomfortable sensation convinced me that something was wrong but nothing was wrong, my body was healing.

The uncomfortable truth about bulimia recovery is that your body doesn't magically trust you overnight. For a while, eating can feel uncomfortable, digesting can feel uncomfortable and so can recovery. When you're already terrified of keeping food down, that discomfort can make you want to relapse.

I remember thinking the bloating would never go away, I remember being convinced i'd feel that was forever but i didn't. What felt unbearable in the beginning slowly became normal, my body adapted, my digestion adapted and most importantly i stopped being afraid of every sensation i felt after eating.

What made it even harder was that my eating disorder used every uncomfortable feeling as evidence that i should purge. A bloated stomach? "Get rid of it." Digesting food normally? "Get rid of it." Feeling full? "Get rid of it." The urge wasn't always coming from hunger or food, sometimes it was coming from discomfort. Recovery meant learning something i spent years avoiding. I had to learn how to sit with that discomfort not because i enjoyed it, not because it was easy but because every time i kept food down i was teaching my body something new. I was teaching it that it was finally safe to heal, the hardest part was trusting that the discomfort wouldn't last forever.

It feels like you'll always be bloated, always be full or always feel uncomfortable after eating but recovery taught me that feelings aren't forever and neither is discomfort. Little by little my body began to trust me again. Looking back now, i wish i had been a little kinder to my body because whilst i was convinced it was working against me, it was actually doing everything it could to keep me alive. There were signs that my body was finally doing the job it had always been designed to do, digest, heal and protect me. Whilst that doesn't make the discomfort disappear overnight, it does change how you see it. Instead of seeing recovery symptoms as proof that something is wrong, you start seeing them for what they really are. Proof that your body hasn't given up on you even after everything.

So if you're reading this whilst feeling bloated, uncomfortable or terrified that your body will never feel normal again, i want you to know something. I have been where you are, I know how convincing those thoughts can be and i know how easy it is to believe that the discomfort means something is wrong. Healing is often uncomfortable before it becomes freeing. Your body is learning something it may not have done for a very long time, it's learning to trust you again and that trust isn't built overnight. It is built meal by meal, day by day and choice by choice. The discomfort you're feeling right now is not a sign that recovery isn't working. It is often a sign that your body is doing exactly what it needs to do. So please, be patient with yourself and your body. It has carried you through every bad day, every setback and every step of recovery so far.

🤎 The bloating won't last forever.

🤎 The fullness won't last forever.

🤎 The discomfort won't last forever.

The freedom that comes from no longer living under bulimia's control is something worth fighting for and one day, you'll be so grateful you gave your body the chance to heal.

With Love, Niomi 🤎

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